Dream of fire

I use to be able to write. Found that it was one of the things that made me the happiest. Therapeutic almost. Letting go of feelings that only needed to stay on writing not inside of me. That way, they could be used as future reference when the same situation arises in the future.

I haven’t done it in a long time. I had been in a stage where keeping my head over water was my best. A smile for everyone, making myself busy to the point of exhaustion so I wouldn’t feel. Then, I started believing that maybe all the planets aligned on my favor because in the last month I had days of perfect stability, happiness. Full of hope. I discovered it is very easy to put blinders on when you don’t want to see reality.

Something broke. I stopped watching, I forgot people hurt you, even the ones that you never expect will do. Maybe I simply forgot to really see the truth. I forgot to learn from my mistakes. I forgot to understand that the main purpose of the tough things you deal with is to teach you something.I forgot that in my life, there is no such thing of everything going right.

My heart hurts… quite a bit. Like that weird ache that it’s only possible when someone you love a lot has betrayed your trust, or lied, or both. The one that comes from having not only hope but also expectations. The one that requires you to hug yourself so you don’t fall apart.

So here are my attempts again, of writing, of staying standing, of being strong. Of trusting again, of loving the same way, of not crying, of taking the right next action even if it may be the most incorrect one for me. Because at the end of the day, you are worth it. I just hope I am too…

slightlybittertaste:

I love your smile.

I love your eyes.

I love your voice.

I love you when you’re sleeping.

I love you when you love me.

I love your flaws, they make you flawless.

I love your lips.

I love your arms wrapped around me.

I love you when you kiss my neck.

I love you when you are you.

I love you when you don’t say anything.

I love you when you live in the moment.

I love you when you talk about our future.

I love you.